smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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