you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
