Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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