So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
