That's intense
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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