I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
