You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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