Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
