I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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