Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
