but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
