peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
