i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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