The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
