No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
