Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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