I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
