Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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