The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
