I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
