I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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