Its about making memories worth repressing
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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