I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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