I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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