He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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