please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
