My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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