fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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