I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
