I'm going to jail i love you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Randomize
