things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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