fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
