nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
