YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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