ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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