when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
