im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
