god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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