One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
