Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
