my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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