So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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