I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
