jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
