I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
