the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
