Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
