Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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