Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
