I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
