It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
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Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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