So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
