I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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