Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
