Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
