Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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