just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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