winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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