Don't you send me to vm
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
