I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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